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  • 30 Rock: Reaganing

    Jack: I haven't done a single thing wrong in almost 24 hours, and I'm including sex last night. Here's Avery's thank you note.
    Liz: Ugh... she likes that?
    Jack: No. But she respects it when it's done correctly.

  • Terminal Error

    Mom: Did you just break my computer?
    Me: Huh?
    Mom: All this text... it keeps coming and I think the computer is dying.
    Me: Ohhhh... That's just the Terminal. I told it to compress some of your files.
    Mom: Oh it's terminal alright!

  • A Very Sunny Christmas

    Mac: You're left and my left are the same cuz' we're facing the same direction.
    Charlie: Ehhh! We're two different people, we can't have the same left.

  • Arrested Developmet: The Immaculate Election

    Gob: I figured out a way to make money while I'm working.
    Michael: That is what we call working.

  • 30 Rock: The 'C' Word

    Jack: Come on in tracy.
    Tracy: Yo! Is this about that little red-headed intern? Cuz she asked me to take it out.
    Jack: No! I wanted to invite you to join me in a charity golf tourney that Don Geiss is hosting at his country club in Old Sabrook.
    Tracy: I'm not familiar with about half the words in that sentence.

  • 40 Year Old People

    Co-Worker: Is your internet not working still?
    Me: I told you, mine never stopped working. Something happened to the receptacles in your walls. You can't get internet until we figure out what happened in your office.
    Co-Worker: My email is out, too.
    Me: Yeah, because you don't have any internet.
    Co-Worker: Well what does SMTP error mean?
    Me: Nothing.
    Co-Worker: It doesn't mean nothing. It means something.
    Me: If I tell you what it means, do you think it's going to make a difference?
    Co-Worker: Well, it says my IP address is wrong, too. Maybe if we change that?
    Me: It doesn't matter.
    Co-Worker: What is it? Like 427 Plum Avenue or something?
    Me: Yeah, try that.
    Co-Worker: It's not working.
    Me: Bummer.

  • 30 Rock: Consolation

    Jack: It's the biggest regret of my life, Lemon, and I once made love to Kathy Hilton.
    Liz: Do you... want a hug?
    Jack: What is this, the Italian Parliament? No.

  • Missed Opportunity

    Girl: Tommy said you were funny?
    Me: Somebody said I was funny?
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